When you're faced with a tough decision – the kind of earth-shattering choice between two jobs, two relationships, or any two paths in life – what's your solution?
For a lot of people, I'm sure it's a fight or flight response ending in some sort of panic attack. Others might push the decision under the rug until it's too late.
None of those options are ideal. But when decisions have the potential to completely change your life, it isn't easy to pick something and roll with it; your head echoes with 'what if?' and 'should I go back?'
It's no wonder we prefer to push things away and forget about them – but the truth is, you can't do that. You have to make a decision and live with it.
And I've found that one of the best tools to help make that choice is understanding your values.
Beyond decision-making, values also open a window into your psyche. They help to explain why you think and act in certain ways; they increase the amount of empathy you have toward yourself.
And yes, there are positive business implications, too.
Let’s dig a little deeper into these things we call our values.
It's December 1st, 1955, and Rosa Parks is sitting on a bus in Montgomery, Alabama. She's going home from a long day at work.
A white passenger boards the bus but cannot find a seat in the crowd; Rosa is asked to stand and give up her seat.
She refuses. She does not make a fuss when escorted to jail.
You might have heard a version of events where Rosa was too exhausted to stand. But she wasn't.
She could've moved out of her seat easily for the white passenger – if not for her strong conviction that she should no longer give up her rights for the sake of someone else's comfort.
When most of us first heard this story, we assumed Rosa must have been quite a loud and obstinate type. Why else would she risk her freedom for a simple bus seat?
But Rosa was actually a soft-spoken and gentle person, and it wasn't in her nature to cause trouble for any living soul.
On that day in '55, she wasn't acting out of rage. She was acting from her core values: of justice, and of doing what's right for the greater good.
I love Rosa's story for many reasons – she sparked a critical movement that still impacts our lives today, and she did so with great personal sacrifice.
But the story is also an excellent display of values-based decision-making. Values aren't just rules we set for ourselves or qualities we admire and wish we had for ourselves.
They are our fundamental core beliefs that shape how we think, feel, and act.
Or, according to a more academic source:
Values are internalized cognitive structures that guide choices by evoking a sense of basic principles of right and wrong, a sense of priorities, and a willingness to make meaning and see patterns.
We start forming our innermost values at a very young age. Some psychologists say anywhere from 7 years and onward; others even believe they start to form in the womb.
They're not some optional trait we can pick for ourselves and discard at will – they're a part of our identity.
I went on a bit of a rabbit hole with this topic. (Well, what's new?)
What I found was truly fascinating to me, particularly as someone who thrives on the topics of personality types and self-improvement.
I never understood the differences between lovely, self-important buzzwords like principles, virtues, values, morals, and ethics – but now I do, and it really changed my outlook.
To me, values have always seemed a little airy-fairy. Yes, I like to tell the truth. Yes, I value ambition. Yes, I admire self-respect. But which of these are my values, let alone my innermost ones?
Values, as it turns out, are easy to identify with a little self-reflection. They are the attitudes and actions that hold the most weight in your life; you call upon these themes to make decisions about pretty much everything.
For example:
Morals & Ethics
Our values relate to, but definitely aren't interchangeable with, our morals and ethics.
Morals are the principles that guide us to make decisions between right and wrong – for example, you might believe strongly that lying is wrong.
Ethics are almost like a set of rules that dictate how we should act, based on our morals. It's the idea of 'doing what's right in the eyes of society'.
But here's where the three terms collide, and it gets interesting: your values can override your morals and ethics.
Let's say you have a secret that would cause your friend nothing but sadness if you reveal it to them.
You strongly believe that lying is wrong, but one of your core values is kindness – so in that situation, you will probably choose to twist the facts and keep the truth hidden as an act of kindness.
What I'm trying to get across here is that our core values hold the most weight out of any other principle.
Knowing yourself and your core values can help you make decisions that are true to who you are, even when morals or ethics, or earth-shattering life events would suggest otherwise.
It's easy to disregard advice like 'get to know yourself' and 'find out what your core values are', but it's actually immensely important. “Your values become your destiny," said Gandhi – and he was completely right.
When you frame your values not as parts of your personality, but as the driving forces that influence everything you do in life, you start to realize that values aren't just interesting little sentiments floating around in your brain.
They are your past, present, and future.
Entrepreneurs have found themselves at the helm of incredible companies because they value ambition and risk-taking. Writers have penned bestselling novels because they value creativity and artistry.
Activists have changed the very course of history because they value empathy and justice over comfort.
Your values are going to write your story, and my values are going to write mine – but by fully understanding what those values are, we can fast-track the road to success (and dodge a few potholes along the way!)
This whole topic was actually brought to my attention in an interview with human behavior expert, Dr. John Demartini. He's deeply knowledgeable about core values and the role they play in our lives.
I found his interpretation interesting:
"Every human being, regardless of culture, age, or gender spectrum, lives by a set of values. Every perception, every decision, every action that underlies their behavior is an expression of their values. And whatever is highest on their value hierarchy, they're spontaneously inspired from within to do; whatever is lower on their hierarchy, they extrinsically need motivation or incentive to do."
Pretty fascinating stuff – and it supports this idea that your values determine your actions, not the other way around.
Dr. Demartini actually believes we begin developing our values before birth, and that living in line with our values directly affects our physiology.
When it comes to identifying your core values, here are his criteria:
By asking yourself these questions, Dr. Demartini suggests you can begin to gain clarity about which values are most important to you and how they drive your life.
For me personally, I like to sit down with some sort of questionnaire. It helps if I can see all of the different values laid out in front of me; I go through each one and reflect on the role it has or hasn't played in my life up to this point.
It's like a puzzle – some pieces fit, some don't, but the more time I spend reflecting on it, the clearer things become.
The most recent tool I used to figure out my core values is this simple PDF by the wonderful Dr. Brené Brown.
I'm sure you've heard of her – she's an amazing researcher who focuses on the power of vulnerability, among many, many other things.
The PDF is so useful because it prompts you to connect your core values with your actions.
I went into it with little hope of it actually working, and came out much more confident and clear about who I am and what drives me.
A few more resources to check out:
I won't sugar-coat it – it takes a while to figure out your values. It's not a one-and-done kind of thing; the process is ongoing, and your hierarchy may shift a little over time.
Once you know your core values, the implications for your life are pretty incredible:
In terms of entrepreneurship, it's infinitely helpful to understand your values – because contrary to what many people believe, your personal and professional values are exactly the same.
You don't go to work and switch into a new set of values as easily as you change clothes.
It suddenly gives you a world of clarity around everything from your leadership style to your hiring process to the type of clients you choose to work with.
And instead of wondering whether something is right or wrong, you can simplify the decision-making process by asking yourself, "Does this fit with my values?"
Bit of a different topic today, but it's one I truly... value! And I hope you come to see the importance of your core values, too.
To wrap up, I thought I'd leave you with a list of some of the most common values seen in entrepreneurship. Maybe you'll resonate with one, or a few, or none of them – but either way, it's a great place to start digging deeper.
Good luck!
Integrity. Above all else, you strive to act in accordance with your highest sense of morality.
And finally, another tip from Dr. Brown: if you can't narrow your list down to one or two core values, try to find the values that influence all others on your list.
If you put a tick next to both adaptability and ambition, for instance, perhaps innovation is the overarching value that ties them together.
That's all for now – until next time!
Photo by Venti Views on Unsplash