Everyone has a little bit of narcissism in them. Traits like being self-centered, having a need for admiration or attention, and arrogance are all qualities that most people possess. However, when these behaviors reach an extreme, it can indicate a larger, more harmful issue lies ahead.
What is Narcissism?
Narcissistic personality disorder, also known as NPD, is a disorder characterized by an individual’s exaggerated belief in their own value, a strong need for attention and admiration, problematic relationships and a lack of empathy towards others. Less than 1% of the population has been officially diagnosed with NPD. However, experts believe that as much as 15-20% may be on the narcissism spectrum. This fact leads many households affected by narcissistic behavior, and many people stuck in relationships with narcissistic partners.
Fortunately, there are many identifiable traits of narcissists that can be spotted, and several resources for those looking to escape a similar situation.
Family structures that involve narcissists share many of the same negative traits, such as poor communication, no clear boundaries, control issues, unhealthy competition and secret-keeping. These types of dynamics can lead to long-term effects on children or spouses, such as low self-esteem, addiction, or a heightened risk of developing NPD later on in life.
In order to avoid this harmful dynamic in the home, it is important to know the warning signs:
- Gaslighting
- Blame-shifting
- Triangulation
- Playing the victim
- Exaggerating personal achievements
- Minimizing the feelings of others
- Taking credit for others’ efforts
These behaviors are all red flags for narcissists in the home. Additionally, the use of charm, love-bombing or the silent treatment as an attempt to manipulate others can also be telltale signs that someone has narcissistic personality disorder.
At this point, you might be thinking that these traits sound familiar, or remind you of someone in your own close circle. If someone in your life checks some or all of these boxes, it might be time to consider an escape plan.\
How to Safely Escaping a Relationship With a Narcissist
Start planning, go slow and take action.
The planning phase involves getting all paperwork and personal affairs in order without the narcissist knowing. Making arrangements for finances and changing any contact information are the most important details. During this step, consulting a family lawyer can be helpful, especially when one is planning for life far in the future following the separation.
Next, going slow is key, making sure to leave no stone unturned. This step involves slowly moving money, items and personal belongings to a safe location, keeping records and evidence of any incidents in the home. It is also important to continue life as normal as to not tip off the narcissist in your life of any changes.
Finally, it is time to take action, leaving the home immediately if it is not safe to stay there, and carefully communicating the plan to leave if it is. This stage is better completed with a support system and will be better carried out if trusted friends and family are notified of the escape plan.
Narcissism is not a curable disease, but healing is possible, as is building a new life after separating from an NPD spouse.
