Fighting Lawsuits…For The Smell of It

This funny thing happened when we became a “large company” — People started suing us. Maybe we looked differently, or spoke differently, or smelled differently……smelled like green dollar bills, perhaps.

Never in my life have I had a legal matter, and as the new year begins I sit gathered around with my family and friends, a glass of champagne, three small children, and three pending lawsuits.

Cheers!

Happy New Year, bitches.

When I had my first lawsuit “served” to me at the beginning of the year, I didn’t even understand what I was looking at…. “trial by jury” invoked a sense of fear in me the first time I saw it. WTF was this? I envisioned myself sitting in a court room with shackles on….rehearsing my story for my future feature of 48 hours on ID— my life on the line for something that I actually didn’t do.

When you are served a lawsuit your mind races through all the scenarios, “What ifs?”, and feelings of anger and sadness. When someone tries to publicly and formally claim you have “wronged” them your immediate reaction is to wonder…..Did I? The legal system is set up to induce a sense of fear and panic, whether it is rooted in reality or not. They put it on a piece of paper and found a poor sucker of a lawyer to sign off on it….thus it must be true, right? It is an exercise in mental gymnastics. Bottom Line: Don’t believe everything you read.

So what is different about this last year in our business? Well, nothing. If anything we are a strong and stable machine compared to where we were 7 years ago. Truth be told, I did a lot of risky things when we first started that could have ended me up in hot water….but they never resulted in lawsuits. We now have a mature business with HR teams and lawyers and people that are working every day to keep us “legally clean”. So why is it that now people try to sue us when we aren’t doing anything risky to warrant it?

I think the answer lies in the space between…..the space between me as the owner and employees that I have never met. The space between the connection that people feel to me as a person vs. a figure head picture on a computer screen. The space between that power differential that didn’t feel like a “thing” until it became one. The space between what is a company and what is a family. It is in that space that people lose their connection and turn issues into legalities. What was once resolved over a glass of wine when we were a company of 10 is now a full blown legal battle in a company of 300, with people I have never even met.

As a business grows, that “space between” grows too. It is an inevitable reality that is a natural consequence of company growth. That said, it doesn’t make it “right” that others take this space and use it as a manipulation tactic. Yet, it turns out I’m not the only business owner that gets served lawsuits. Who knew?

So now comes the question…..What are you going to do about it?

Deciding what to do in the public game of chicken is a fun test of spirit and character. How do I handle it? Well, we all know I like a good fight.

No, I’m not going to lie down or cry myself to sleep in fear of your attempt to publicly embarrass me. I’m way beyond that in my professional development. No, I’m not going to try and placate you with dollar bills no matter how good they smell — you have already shown you are nuts and I definitely don’t negotiate with terrorists. Nah, I’m going to lawyer up. I’m going to take my earned success that you are trying so hard to get a piece of and use it to fight you with all the fury I can muster.

Just remember that I always play to win.

Why not just settle to avoid the fight, you may ask? For the principle of it. For the fun of it. Because people shouldn’t be able to make things up while making a scene…just to get a nice paycheck. People shouldn’t be able to use their own mental health issues to create craziness and turmoil for someone else. Life shouldn’t work that way.

Because ultimately what is money other than an exchange of energy? Justice is worth a lot of money to me.

Lawsuits are a funny concept in the first place. They are intended to be for serious issues that require monetary retribution to survive. There are some lawsuits that matter — a botched medical procedure that leaves someone requiring lifelong care with g-tube feedings; a hot air balloon accident that leaves someone parapalegic, perhaps. A faulty widget that results in complete disfiguration? Yeah, maybe those are justified lawsuits.

The legal system is not intended to be used for people to pitch a fit on the floor like a 2 year old with a demand to give them money to make them feel better. “Wah! I’m mad it didn’t go my way. I want a lollipop and a glass of juice and 100k”.

Why do people file lawsuits? Because they have nothing to lose….yet.

…..and they have WAAAAAAAAY too much time on their hands….Oh yeah, and a cold cold heart.….ya know kind of like that guy who likes to go around stealing Christmas presents? Yeah, they are like that guy.

I am sure the person filing the lawsuit feels wronged in some way. The point though is that this isn’t grounds to file a lawsuit. Here is the thing: Everyone “wrongs” each other in this world. Shit happens. The world isn’t perfect. Mentally stable people simply accept that as a reality, take a deep breath and move on with their life.

Mentally UNstable people….well….what they do is file lawsuits every time they get their feelings hurt. Yeah, I said it. I think that people that file frivolous lawsuits are completely batshit crazy. They are people that are highly manipulative, perhaps a bit off their rocker, and super entitled. They see a pile of money and for some reason…they think that it belongs to them just because they exist on the planet.

Did they work for that money? Nope. Did they earn that money? Nope. Yet for some reason…they feel entitled to it. Is it dementia? Insanity? All I know is…

Bitches be Crazy.

What people forget is that behind every company and behind every figure head there are people. They aren’t filing a lawsuit at a name on a piece of paper — they are filing a lawsuit against a person, a family, three young children. Yes, it should make you feel like a total asshole to file a lawsuit that will financially impact my three toddlers. Thanks for trying to steal their lollipops, asshole.

Will it cost more for me to fight it? It may, but I will fight with the fire of 1000 suns and spend a lot of money to make sure that I do everything in my power to make sure that they don’t get any. They may not realize they just poked the momma bear….and this momma bear is fucking fierce. I will fight to win. I will fight for the fun of it…..I will fight for the smell of it.

You see, JUSTICE and VICTORY smell really sweet. When you have to give my kids back their lollipops and pay all my court fees that I will no doubt pile up just for you I want you to remember one thing: I didn’t start the fight.

Better remember that before you throw your first punch, sista.

#silverlining? This gives me the opportunity to buy that fancy suit and new pair of heels I’ve been thinking about. Maybe I’ll spend 100k on the outfit just to prove a point that it is my money to spend and not yours. I like to smell like success, after all.

Can’t wait. Bring it on. I’ll see you in court.

Oh, and…….#gfy

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